I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
