awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
