dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
