WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
