She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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