threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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