WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
