I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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