Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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