Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
