I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
