Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
