she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
