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Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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