I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
