Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
