ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So many bounce houses so little time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
