I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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