you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
