I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
