I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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