its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
