i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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