i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
