yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
