Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
