you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
