Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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