If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
