If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
