ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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