Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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