At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
