Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
