Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't turn off my feet"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
