I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
