remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
