I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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