Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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