she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize