he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
