So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
