Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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