i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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