Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
