He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
