My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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