You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
