Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
