dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
