I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
