I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pappa wants mamma naked
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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