dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As shirtless as possible
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
